Girl Boss Retired, More Like Girl Boss is Tired

The story about how I reluctantly and very accidentally fell into being a stay at home mother.

Hi!!! Okay before we get into today’s first official newsletter (!!) I wanted to say a few things…

I’m so overwhelmed by yesterday in the best way.

Subscribers paying in full for the year 😭

Seeing my name ranked #18 on the Rising charts next to REAL LIFE authors 🤯

Doing it amidst the chaos of being home with my 3yo and 10 month old 💗

I’ve dreamed of being a writer my whole life. Launching this newsletter felt like a teeny steps towards that but YOU GUYS actually made it such a big leap and I’ll never get over it.

THANK YOU!!!!!

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Okay, back to regularly scheduled programming!

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In 2015, my morning commute on MetroNorth marked a pivotal transition. Trading the unpredictable G train for Stamford's sleek, punctual line felt like more than just a change in transportation - it was a metaphor for the professional reinvention brewing inside me.

Amongst the commuters in their big coats, I’d just started reading Sophia Amourso’s new book Girl Boss. I was enthralled with her story. The tales of her boot strapping Nasty Gal was so captivating to me, I was glued to every page.

Since I can remember, I’d wanted to be my own boss but growing up in the 90s, entrepreneurship just wasn’t even close to as mainstream as it is now. But romantic comedy movies were! And in most of my favorite ones (that also somehow always included Kate Hudson), the leading lady worked in some skyscraper with a marble-lined lobby with enormous windows and that became my dream job.

And so I’d hustled my way into a successful career in the fashion industry when six years in I found out I was pregnant after four months of trying to conceive. But just a few weeks later, that would all come crashing down as my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage.

I was grieving and learning with each new day that my current work environment was a true dead end. I felt like everything was circling the drain. And I was desperate to find something good to grab onto.

Enter a local photography class. I’d always loved taking photos and in 2016 the aesthetics of your Instagram feed were of utmost importance. So, I signed up.

It became obvious pretty quickie that photography wasn't just a side hustle - it was about to be my first real experiment in designing a career that felt authentically mine. With Sophia Amoruso's 'Girl Boss' as my unofficial mentor, I was determined to craft a professional path that defied traditional expectations.

In 2021, after six amazing years, I photographed my last wedding just one month before I gave birth to my second daughter. I loved photographing weddings, I think it may forever be my most fun job ever. But after having children, my weekends became such precious family time that it was time to step away from working weekends before baby number two entered the chat.

And then motherhood led me to transition my career yet again as I began pitching myself as a fractional CMO to female-founded businesses. This allowed me to work from home, have my girls in minimal childcare while I hustled during naps times for years. I loved this version of my business. Marketing is this fascinating love story between problem-solving and storytelling that I just can’t get enough of - I truly love it. But motherhood intervened again.

My third pregnancy I was so sick I could barely drive, let alone look at a computer screen without needing a bucket. I had to “temporarily” stop serving clients until further notice.

here’s where the “reluctantly and very accidentally” come in…

I can say with 100% certainty that there are several recordings of me on more than one occasion going on soapbox rants about how I could never be a stay-at-home mom.

It’s not that I have anything against stay at home moms. To be honest I’ve never had full time childcare so I’ve always been one foot in the SAHM camp and one foot in the working mom camp. But being a Girl Boss, a Mom Boss, after eight years was such a huge part of my identity I just could never see myself giving it up. Pivoting, of course. But closing up shop completely? Never.

For years, I'd constructed an identity around being a 'Girl Boss' - a term that represented not just professional success, but personal autonomy. The idea of stepping away from that felt like more than a career change; it felt like losing a part of myself.

(Of course, one could argue that starting this Substack is me re-opening up shop LOL But in my mind this is a creative endeavor, a teeny side hustle if you will.)

My biggest hurdle in seeing myself as a SAHM was mental. I saw it as giving up on myself. I saw it as wasting my talent, skills and, frankly, my brain. I saw it as a massive step backwards in my life. As failing. As shameful, if I’m being really honest.

But then, a few months ago I was actively pitching new business when I had a very big “light bulb” moment of clarity. Buckle up because this is about to get vulnerable and a little graphic.

Picture this: all three of my children are sick with Norovirus, and I'm right there with them. The bathroom has become our personal battlefield, a place of constant motion and misery.

I'm beyond exhausted. 'Exhausted' doesn't even begin to touch it. This is a special kind of depletion that seeps into your bones, a fatigue that feels almost cellular. I'm alone, sick myself, moving between my children with a kind of autopilot determination that only mothers know.

And then, in the middle of this absolute storm, a thought bubbles up and gives me a moment of clarity: If I had client work right now, I would literally collapse. Not metaphorically. Literally. Collapse on this bathroom floor and potentially never get back up.

It wasn't just physical exhaustion. It was the weight of my own self-imposed impossible expectations - the ones I'd been placing on myself for years. The 'Girl Boss' narrative I'd internalized suddenly felt like an elephant on my chest.

The Girl Boss is Tired.

In that moment, surrounded by sick children, covered in who-knows-what, I realized something profound: My ambition wasn't boiled down to proving something to the outside world. It was about having the courage to redefine ambition for myself.

Want the full story of how I transformed exhaustion into empowerment?

This moment changed everything—how I viewed my career, my worth, and what it means to be ambitious. Paid subscribers get the complete, unfiltered journey of how I reimagined success on my own terms.

Become a Paid Subscriber to Unlock the Full Story

And that’s when with zero doubts in my mind, I decided that I’d swallow my “nevers” and finally commit to saying out loud that I was going to become a full time stay at home mom.

Juggling being a business owner and a nearly full-time mom was intense. I loved every exhausting minute of it - the kind of tired that comes from living life completely, not just existing in it.

But honestly I didn’t quite realize just how exhausted I was until I experienced just living the one life. “Just” being a mom all of the sudden felt so peaceful and I felt like I had so much space for me. Where I used to feel like if I was “just” a mom I’d have less space for me - I found the opposite.

Oh and all those terrible things I’d been telling myself about failing and shame and wasted potential? It turned out that was far less about me and more about what I was worried other people would say about me. In my first few months of fully declaring my new found position with confidence, I can tell you none of those fears or doubts are remotely true.

After being very non-commital for months, I decided firmly on ceasing all new business pitches and going all in on Mom. Now, of course it’s not that simple. My husband and I had financially planned on me starting work again so we needed to crunch the numbers and re-think our budget. (Psst…see below for a link on how I audit our personal finances every quarter) I also needed to figure out how I was going to cope with losing my “business owner” identity - the one that I’ve been so proud of for eight years. And I needed to completely recreate how I made personal goals because how do you even measure “success” as a stay at home mom? My Girl Boss roots needed goals to work toward!

Cut Costs, Not Joy: My Guide to Conscious Spending and Saving

So let’s answer the question…

can a retired Girl Boss still be ambitious?

When I decided to step away from my business and embrace my new identity as a full-time mom, I felt like I’d found so much clarity yet I had no idea what to “do next”. These past few months (and really more like the last year) have been about more than just a career change—it's been an exploration of identity, purpose, and what it means to me to be ambitious.

Preserving Ambition in a New Context

Daily habits have become my lifeline in maintaining my sense of self:

1. Journaling: A practice of reflection and personal growth

2. Regular movement: Keeping my body and mind active

3. Guitar practice: Nurturing personal skills and creativity

4. Intentional health tracking: Currently focusing on postpartum weight loss

My current personal goal—losing 50 pounds of pregnancy weight—has been transformative. Having already lost 25 pounds, I've discovered that personal growth can be just as fulfilling as professional achievement. The structured approach to weight loss mirrors my previous business strategies: identify a goal, create a system, track progress, and adjust as needed.

Remember: By acknowledging our shifting identities, we're not losing ourselves—we're always continuously becoming who we’re meant to be. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

redefining goal crushing while toddler wrangling

As someone who thrived on goal-setting and systematic thinking in my professional life, I've been intentional about maintaining my ambitious spirit. My core professional strengths—goal execution, system creation, and data analysis—are surprisingly transferable to motherhood.

Skills I'm proud to have developed as a "Girl Boss" that now serve me in my current role:

• Setting clear goals and creating actionable plans

• Developing efficient systems for repetitive tasks

• Analyzing data to drive continuous improvement

Here’s how you can do this for yourself!

Reflection Prompts

1. Skill Inventory

   • List 5 skills you've developed in your career that aren't tied to your job title

   • Example: Problem-solving, adaptability, strategic thinking

2. Values Alignment

   • Describe 3 personal values that remain constant regardless of your professional role

   • Potential values: Integrity, curiosity, empathy, growth

3. Transferable Skills Mapping Create a grid showing how your professional skills translate across life domains:

   • Professional Skill → Life Application

   • Project Management → Household organization

   • Client Communication → Parenting negotiations

   • Data Analysis → Personal health tracking

my message to you if you’re in this messy middle too

If you're downshifting your career and accustomed to professional goal-setting, remember this: Ambition isn't confined to a workplace. It's a mindset. Set personal goals, stay accountable to yourself, and recognize that your worth isn't determined by a job title or paycheck.

The Girl Boss version of me who once defined success by client lists and revenue goals now measures it in moments of presence, in systems that bring peace to our home, and in the quiet confidence that comes from choosing my own path—even when it looks nothing like I imagined. My ambition hasn't disappeared; it's simply found a new arena in which to thrive.

Next week I’ll be sharing my personal and family goals for Spring and giving you on a real behind the scenes look at my very first personal quarterly review as a stay at home mom!

Thank you so for being here!

Catch you next week,

Casey