Issue #9 - Lessons About Dreams from the Daffodils

Can a dud be more than a dud? Also, my favorite podcast I listened to this week, what I'm making for dinner, and thoughts on COWBOY CARTER 🤠

I think before we get into the daffodils we need to address something that I am a teeny bit ashamed of and that is that I am not naturally an outdoorsy person.

If you’re in your mid-thirties like me you might remember “bumper stickers” on Facebook. You know, way back when, Facebook was only for college kids with an official college email address? And there was a “bumper sticker” that’s now a meme out there in the interwebs somewhere that says “I’m outdoorsy in that I like to drink on patios.” That’s me.

I really don’t like bugs, I absolutely hate and am terrified of birds, I don’t like to be too hot and I’m kind of a freak about sun exposure and hate the high maintenance of reapplying sunscreen. And for the love of all things holy, please never ask me to go on a hike with you.

Or at least don’t get offended when I say no. I will happily meet you at a coffee shop or wine bar afterward to sit outside on the aforementioned patio but I do not find joy in hiking trails where I’m prone to trip, get hit in the face with a branch, encounter a snake, and so on. I’ve tried it, many times, and it’s just a truly terrible experience for me so I will pass, every time lol.

Now, ask me to walk 20 miles around a city for a day going to restaurants, thrift shopping, museum hopping and I’m IN. I may be a country mouse now but the city mouse in my heart will never die.

Psst. I’m running a little weekend promo on yearly subscriptions. 50% off the year so just $2.50 a month for access to weekly paid-only content, instant access to all the paid archives (including this favorite on my money habits) and monthly community chats if we have enough interest!

For a long time, I thought I’d never move out of New York City. I thought I’d raise my kids there. Grow the high-profile career I always dreamed of as a kid. But I got my big, sexy dream job at the young age of 24, and by 27 I realized it had lost its shine.

Someone recently asked me if being ruthless in my pursuit of this job and living in the city I dreamed about living in “was worth it” since I wound up leaving it all behind. And maybe she had thought about doing the same but didn’t and was curious. I didn’t even need one second to think before I said “Definitely was worth it!” I lived a dream I had hoped for since I was 15 years old.

I think when we are younger we get sold this idea that we have one life and we need to pick the path of that life at age 22. Graduate college, get the job, get married, have kids….life over, the end. At least this is true for women in our society, the whole “have kids, life over” part. But I’ve always, since I was little, imagined myself living many lives in one.

We are getting sidetracked but I’m coming back to the daffodils I promise lol.

In my 20s I lived out my dreams of city life with the glamorous yet gruelingly competitive jobs. I lived in Paris, Sydney, New York City, and Washington DC all in that decade. I had my first viable pregnancy at 30 and gave birth to my oldest daughter right after I turned 31 and seven months later we moved to a small house on a whole lotta land where we currently live still in Virginia. I wasn’t sure what my 30s decade would entail but halfway through, it’s giving mom era and although the roads have been bumpy with wild turns, I am really loving it.

When we moved to our house in the country where you can’t even get a pizza delivered, suddenly the city girl had to get over her ick of nature lol. Which sounds truly ridiculous as I type it but it’s the truth. Looking out over the backyard (which is about two NFL football fields deep and wide) the dream of growing flowers started.

I’d never kept a house plant alive (still haven’t lol) let alone planted anything from seed. But I started my garden in the summer of 2020 with a small two-foot by six-foot garden bed and now we have a 500 square foot fenced-in garden.

Back to the daffodils.

In June of 2023, I decided to dig up, divide, and move my daffodils. Daffodils multiple each year and mine were getting crowded where they were. Plus, I loved the idea of having all of my different varieties grow wildly together and having this “fence line” of wild-looking daffodils in from of the fenced garden to welcome spring each year.

I had to store the bulbs for a few weeks to prepare the front garden beds and when we were re-planting them, a few bulbs looked completely dried up and dead. So I made a pile of those to dump in a garden bed thinking they’d make great compost for the soil next year.

WRONG. Oh, I was so wrong lol. And delightedly so.

Here are my thriving little daffodil duds. Happy as they can be, blooming right where they were planted. It makes me so happy each time I see them in the yard.

I could write a book on how much I’ve learned from nature. How gardening and my flowers seem to speak what I need to hear, exactly when I need it. But with this particular patch of daffodils, the flowers reminded me that roots have to grow first before anything remotely resembling a flower becomes seen. Roots need darkness and time. Time where it looks like nothing is happening on the surface, but so much is happening inward.

I have been unable to work for the last seven months because of how unpredictable my health has been this pregnancy. As someone who truly loves to work and loves owning my business, it’s been incredibly difficult to give it up. And with it went a piece of my identity. In my seven years as an entrepreneur, aside from maternity leave with my second daughter, I have never not worked for this long.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that while I’ve been feeling guilt and shame having to let go of working and let go of my business momentum the last seven months I can’t help but feel like this is a dud year for the career version of myself that I love so much. But look at what a year of being duds did for these daffodils. They honestly are thriving more than the ones I thought were healthy.

And maybe, (not me having a Carrie Bradshaw moment here lol) these years that feel like a dud are no dud at all. But instead, they are the years and months that we need for our roots to establish, or re-establish for new growth. To grow new root systems for new dreams to emerge.

I feel lucky and proud that most of the big dreams I’ve had as a child (becoming a famous pop star aside lol) have come true. Got my dream job with my dream company in my dream city. Married the love of my life. Traveled the world. Lived abroad. Became an entrepreneur. Became a mom. I’m not sure what’s next. But what feels a little bit like uncertain darkness and stillness right now in this sector of my life makes me feel hopeful that some big beautiful, unexpected bloom is on the way, just like the daffs, my favorite sign of spring.

---

In other news (aka some fun links…)

😭 My husband brought a shipping container home from work and I cried about it lol. Right now it’s sitting on our driveway storing boxes and furniture as our renovations happen. It’s so ugly and makes our property give Texas Chainsaw vibes which isn’t cute. But then I went on a deep dive through the internet and am not obsessed with the idea of renovating it as a little office/guest bedroom on our property a la this AirBnB.

🎧 I listened to this podcast episode twice in one week it was that good. It’s a candid conversation between Tim Ferriss and Seth Godin, two of my favorite entrepreneurs, as Tim is looking for guidance to deepen his writing skills and craft.

🐝 Currently weak at the knees over the new Beyoncé album. Like. Words escape me right now to do it justice. Beyoncé created her own genre of music with this one, truly unreal. Also, Renaissance is a such a masterpiece, I still get mad over how it didn’t win Album of the Year last year at random times.

🍽️ Making this chicken pad thai recipe for dinner tonight! We had it last week and everyone (kids especially) wanted more so I’m doubling up the recipe this time haha! A few changes I made to it last time…1. Used only one tablespoon of sesame oil and it was plenty for flavor. 2. Used broccoli instead of peppers last time but tonight I’m doing the red peppers and adding bok choy because we have it! 3. I will add one tablespoon of peanut butter to the sauce, maybe two if it needs it.

Shameless Plug Time!

Did you know I have an Amazon storefront? Shop my faves here.

Also, if you missed it above, I’m doing 50% off yearly paid subscriptions this weekend!

See you next week, same place, same time!

Casey